Although there were quite a few lovely dresses, once again, most people looked the EXACT same!!! I am only calling out the dresses that stood out to me, good and bad!
First, my wife. Charlize Theron can do no wrong in my eyes, and she looked BEAUTIFUL last night! I could have done without the pale pinkish color, but everything else, 110%!
Next up is the Scorpion Woman. Words cannot describe my hatred towards this woman. The colors of this dress were ABSOLUTELY hideous, however; I do love the cut of the dress (the neckline, eh....), if it were gold, black, silver, ANYTHING but this two-toned BOMB!
Ok, so Reese Witherspoon is SUPER cute and seems down to Earth and sweet, but.......was she not SHOVED into this red dress and did they not build square hips to accentuate her curves??!! I wanted to think she looked fabulous and free, but she just looked uncomfortable and (I hate to EVER say this, but...) bigger than usual in the torso.
Nicole Kidman has went through some kind of time warp as far as her fashion sense goes! 10 years ago she was the QUEEN of the red carpet! She always looked coifed and fashion-forward. Now, she just looks dated. That being said, her dress fit like a muthafuckin' glove last night! Yes, a little Dolly Pardon (but who wouldn't wanna be Dolly?!), but she did look wonderful! Take some of those details away from the bodice, and BAM, a beauty! And, a little different!
Salma Hayek is a beaut, but unfortunately, she is TOO curvy and short for this! I love it to death, but you gotta be a rail to pull all of this off!
Julie Bowens' dress is not the best, but according to Yahoo! it is worthy of a F-?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!
......and this "trying-too-hard-hideous-wrinkled-bomb" is worthy of a B-??
Throughout my entire youth I hated this woman. Maybe it is the pointy nose, the scrunched face, I don't really know. All I DO know, is that this dress is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!! Yes, it too closely resembles the Poly-DYE package, but it is UNIQUE, fun, and GLLLLORIOUS! Yahoo! can suck a big one, because they are CLEARLY clueless. Not everyone should look like a prom bomb! This is suppose to be FUN! (not to mention it was made by Monique Lhuillier, an alum of my college!)
Now to good 'ole Tilda! If ONLY this wasn't North Carolina light blue, I SWEAR, it would be PERFECT! (for her!) BEST outfit I have seen her in!
A MILLION DOLLAR LOOK, per usual!!!!!!!!!
I remember the old Mary J Blige. I would rather see her spruced up in streetwear than in this 1994-TERRIBLE neckline Michael Kors dress! (Yes, Michael Kors...the orange faced bald freak that hates animals, and made it into the industry because he had money, that Michael Kors) The bottom half of this dress has been done 2847298483 times before, but it would be acceptable if it wasn't for the top half! And those AWFUL tattoos! I can speak of this, because I am hip to the tattoo square! Cover 'em up! Or get good ones!
And what is this rag?
Some honorable mentions that looked better in real life!
I REALLY despise velvet and most "flocked" anything, but there are those people who just happen to be able to pull it off. This is one of those people.
Now to the dresses that make fashion fun! They aren't all perfect numbers, but THIS is what the Globes SHOULD look like!!
and one more time.......
HAHAHAHHAHAHAA!
