Gag me with a FUCKING spoon!

Sooooo, I received this face in my inbox today:



I must say, I threw up a little in my mouth when I saw it. I followed the Sephora link (just for laughs), and almost pissed myself when I read about the "brand".

First, your packaging is not "unique". And if that is a reflection of your "personal style", maaaaaaaaaan, you have the same "style" as ever other idiot out there. Rose tattoo stencils??? Couldn't you come up with something, ANYTHING, else than that cliche'?



Do people REALLY want to "Get the Look", either?! It is dark eyes and red lips! We have seen it for years! What she really needs to "create" is a fucking MEGA concealer to hide those hideous skid mark tattoos on her face!

(This picture is extremely generous for Kat..however, it IS Photoshopped to hell)


Now to the ACTUAL product. RIDICULOUS price, and the names are soooo stereotypical it is FAR from "unique" or "groundbreaking".
The Ludwig palette contains the shades:
- Lucifer (matte charcoal black)
- Orbi (golden green shimmer)
- Dimebag (metallic lime green)
- Clay (beige with gold glitter)
- Tequila (metallic cornsilk shimmer)
- Downtown (metallic light copper shimmer)
- Baroque (golden bronze shimmer)
- Leather (deep chocolate brown sheen)

You can buy the same crap at Walgreens for 1/4 of the price! Or, if you have any REAL creativity, you could mix and match eye color, fabric glitter, and liquid eyeliner to create the same look!


Bottom line is that you are CLEARLY only buying it for the name. I am sure the 494854308 8-year-olds in China really appreciate that. Buying this product makes you about as "individual" as your choice in music.

"Dude, Motorhead tonight! I only know the hits, but I am their biggest fan!"

Dear Kelli,

I have many honorable mentions myself who would make great replacements for my Top Five should any of them drop off of the list! Some of my honorable mentions are glorious looking but others I just love them even if they aren't the handsomest fellow!

Jack White





John Leguizamo




Brett Favre (I know it's odd considering the rest but I love him!)



Now these next guys would be on my definite Top Five but I just can't because they're jerks!

David Beckham. If it were just a looks contest he would win hands down. Quite possibly the most glorious man ever. I had a hard time choosing just one picture, actually. I just can't put him on my Top Five because of his hideous wife! Anyone who lets the mother of their children starve themselves to death can not be a good person. So he can only be eye candy.



Brad Pitt is a similar story. I can't stand Angelina Jolie but I think I could deal with it and still have him on my Top Five. But he is a cheater and I can't have a cheater on my Top Five. He will forever be glorious looking though!

Arrested Development

Back in the early to mid nineties KennandJelli were young teenagers that loved clothes but didn't have many options so we looked like maniacs that didn't fit into any stereotype.



Circa 1995










We managed to create our style with random thrift store finds, left over fabric, loose glitter and bulk purchases during Halloween. There were no trendy mall stores, no Hot Topics or any of the options that the kids have these days. We were stuck with Halloween pantyhose, hair dye (that wasn't even very good) and band tshirts that were way too big.


Even when meeting our idols at the time we had to mangle together Kmart hoodies to complete our outfits.








We're not saying that you have to "grow up" or ditch your individuality; in fact, it's the opposite of that. Changing with the times, experiencing life, being worldly and relating personal experience to the way one looks is why people evolve from a fashion stand point, and create their own identity by blending the things they've known and loved into the way they look.
People who get stuck in what is lumped together these days as "Goth" (which is completely different from what was considered Goth in the 80s or 90s) are the least unique from a fashion standpoint. They've created a uniform that is more normal than unique and is dated, to say the least. There is no creativity or self expression in their quest to remain what they think is perceived as "weird".


The Uniform


The Platform Boot: Everyone knows you're not 5'7".



The Pink Hair: Pink hair does not make you Goth or weird! It makes you Katy Perry, Gwen Stefani, Rock of Love, but it does not make you unique. No hair color does, but pink is the most overkilled trend...Nicki Minaj anyone?





The Ridiculous Piercings: We had them too! We get it! We pierced our nose with safety pins in the bathroom, but it was 15 years ago and we realized sometimes less is more. That's not to say that you can't be pierced or like piercings, but let's face it, it isn't something significant to subculture. It was and is a trend, and there should be a threshold!





The Badly Drawn On Brows: We did it, we are paying the price, we have pencil thin to nonexistent eyebrows to this day. Not to mention most people fail at drawing the brows on and who actually looks better with liquid eyeliner for eyebrows?





The Raver Pants: THIS is something we don't understand. This was some hybrid of subcultures that makes no sense; it originated with the Limp Bizkit trend in the late nineties, and was also part of the Raver trend. Now these hideous rags are associated with ICP Juggalos and wannabe weirdos who think somehow buying mass produced carbon copies of the same giant, ugly pants make them weird or different. NOT to mention they're EXPENSIVE!





People who follow these trends seem to have an image of themselves as fashion forward or avant garde but they are actually following a cookie cutter ideal of how they should look. It seems these folks continue looking this way from their teenage years into their 30s and even 40s. Being unique is not staying the same, it's evolving as you live life. It won't be long before gray haired grandmas are wearing platform boots and drawing on their eyebrows with liquid eyeliner.

Dear Jenn,

I have narrowed it down to a few "Honorable Mentions" to the Top 5. I also included a few people that could have potentially made it into the Top 5, if they weren't dead to me.

Armstrong



Gosling



Reedus



McGregor and Carrey- Kill 2 Michael Vick's with one stone!








DEAD TO ME:

Pitt- We all know why this bastard is dead



Phillippe- I don't know why he is anymore, but he is!



These are just my MOST FAVORITE actors that are too old for my blood!

Buscemi



DeNiro EVERY GOOD MAN HAS TO WRESTLE WITH THE DEVIL!!



Pacino



Del Toro

The Emmy's 2010

No big surprise that we see the same thing this year as we have in previous years. Boring is in, creative is out.

Here are some of THEIR ("their", meaning Yahoo TV) picks:

WOW. How totally amazing. (yeh, in your bra!)



How about this hideous gold rag? It looks like it was purchased at Cirilla's!



Is this pink number even appropriate for the occasion?! Does it fit?!



These two are soooo dull that I cannot even see straight! I have a feeling that the "A" vote was a nod towards the anorexic bodies inside of the dresses.






Can you believe that these were all C+ and up??!!! Are you fucking blind?!







The best of the boring....

Not my cup of tea, but she looks great! Not a bod that it would look better on!



Same ole, same ole from Ms. Klum....However, she does look great! At least she swooped up that Prince Valiant haircut!



Simple, but a unique color goes a long way!




Despite being on the verge of being too tan (see Charlize Theron (aka-my wife) circa 2004), this is the BEST she has ever looked!



I shouldn't call this boring because I REALLY like it......I have seen it 378437584 times before though....



Now, to my FAVES:

So, my question is, "Why?" WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY did this get a D+????? So it wasn't "ethereal", it wasn't one shouldered, so what?! It was bold, fashion forward, and unique! Why would we want to see the same crap, draped dresses over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.......



Beauuutiful dress, simplicity at its best!



Ok, so this DOES look like a saloon girl dress and a nightgown had a baby, but COME ON! Her red hair and skin looks glllllllllllllllllorious in this color! I could go with a different bust, maybe something asymmetrical to offset the "glamour nightgown" effect, but she still looks GREAT! (Kiss my ass if you don't think so, YOU ARE A DUD!)




I wish that I could see more of the dress, but Kelly Osbourne has NEVER looked so glorious! Now if someone could just reset her jaw.......sorry!)



FINALLY! They got one right! If this doesn't win BEST DRESSED, they are ALL delusional.



This one has me on the fence. It is super unique and cute, but is it appropriate for the event? I might prefer it more if it had a bustier top and was a cocktail length....I ABSOLUTELY adore the bottom though!



WOW! For a woman pushin' 60!! I only hope that I can look the fabulous at her age!



Yes, this is a little different, but why is it a D?! I think it looks striking on her, and is a fresh pre-Fall look! MORONS!



I would LOVE for this to be a different color, but I LOVE the design! Now that Cheryl Hines is single, I think that she needs to start dating Larry David! PLLLLEASE!



Honorable mentions.......

I love Wanda Sykes, and she looks wonderful!





Ok, so call me crazy, but if she were 6 foot tall this dress would be totally cool!




Speaking of shorties.......I do love the top half of this McQueen deal, but SERIOUSLY? A B?? Is it really that great or are we paying homage to the late designer??? Anna Paquin needs to sprout about 6 inches to pull this off, and it would be better as a top with a pencil skirt!